Wow

What a spectacularly shitty shift. It was raining hella hard, so we were overcome with wet umbrellas and coats, we were over booked. the ceiling started leaking water onto tables, kitchen was shit, boss was angry and shouting. It was fun cheering people up with abuse right in the heat of the business though. 'Oh quickly! Your mum called, she said she doesn't love you anymore..'. Cruel but when you're trying to do 3 things at once, it's quite funny.

Some tables are lovely though. Regulars that make you smile, so you start just giving them all your time and free stuff.

Anyway. Home now. Although I'm back there in less than 10 hours. I did just empty my coat pockets and counted out £50 quid in tips and loose change though, that was nice.

I've been reading a lot of Emily Dickinson recently, one of those people you know of, but unless you study her in school..*shrug*. Good stuff. I still find it odd how you can relate to people, even in as little as simply understanding or feeling the same as them, from so so long ago.

Anyway. Seeing Shob on Wednesday, the girl I talk about to much. I know I do. Not apologising. Can't wait.  It's probably unhealthy how much emotional dependency I've put on one person. When there's really only one person that can cheer you up sometimes, just by being around, can't be emotionally stable.

'Tell her there is a tambourine in my chest,

and yes,

she still shakes me.

Don't look at me like that.

I'm not the box the gift came in,

this heart is my sunday best.

Still grass stained from the first time I tasted her neck'

-Andrea Gibson

Hope you're all well.

xoxox

Theneedtocreate.

Look where the cloud breaks.
Run to the middle of the forrest.
Stand on the edge and stare hard out to the end of the ocean.
That's where we will always live.

When you're there you'll always remember us.

We might be torn far apart,
when you curse my name,
and I forget how beautiful your scars looked.

But there in the quiet,
You can close your eyes and see.
Hands wrapped around yourself,
in no one else's arms.
You'll remember how it felt.
This is a good thing.
And if the sky falls on us,
remember how it felt.
Under covers.
In the back of bookshops.
Walking in empty parks.

Remember me like lost toys.
You found me wreckless as a lost boy.
I grew up in your hand holding,
and dream now,
in things that you make real.
Don't forget the happiness.
And how you made me feel.

They say nothing is worth everything.
Maybe they're right.
But don't let me ever say I lied.
Don't ever feel cheated.
For a moment we have it,
what we both wanted,
and it will always be there,
in the moments you feel most alone.
It'll be there to remind you,
you have someone.

My tour of the North.. a brief account

Friday - Leeds was great, although my enjoyment of the day was somewhat affected by carrying around two heavy bags. The Uni looked brilliant though, and I'd love to see it at an open day. I had a good look round, walked through the city centre, and then headed to York. I stayed with Ben, and with him met Kieran at the campus bar, catching up was really good. That night we went to the pub, which was nice, and i still got the early night I was after.

Saturday- I headed to Durham, and stayed with Speedy. All the people were really nice, and that night we went round some college bars, I played my first game of ring of fire, which was brutal but fun. Ended up in a club called studio, weezy, kanye and jay were played so obviously I was happy. The next day I headed over to Adele's. It was really good catching up with her, especially not around family. We stayed in in the evening, but had fun blasting dubstep and drinking in her room with some of her hall mates.

Today I made my way home, and am now back in my own bed, catching up on iplayer.

Tomorrow holds some revision and work, then getting to seem y lovely gf on Wednesday.

xxx

Early Mornings

Wednesday, that's where i'll begin my blog, as that's where things started happening.

I went into school in the morning for my first politics revisions session, (my old politics teacher giving up his little free time to help me with my exams, under no obligation, for no reward. Remember that next time someone says teachers don't work as hard as other professionals.). I have finally committed myself to the path of revision, starting both RE and politics and hoping I haven't left it too late.

Wednesday afternoon I headed down to Surrey and surprised Nai with a visit on her birthday. Shob came down and with Nai's hall-mates we went out to TGI fridays (where i was starving, right up until the food came. And the cocktails are small and lacking alcohol.) Had a lot of fun there though. Nice feeling comfortable with people you've only met a couple of times.

On Thursday, after waking up on the floor of Jess's room, I went into Alton to meet Shob during her epic free. She showed me around her college properly for the first time (and really rather nice it is too), and we got lunch and wandered around a park, pursued by an annoying miowing cat. It was brilliant spending time with her as ever, we curled up on a sofa in cafe nero and read poetry from a book I got out of the library. The brilliant nero soup settled my vodka belly and being comfy and warm was a brilliant counter to the cold outside.

Continuing my trend of writing Blogs on trains, I'm once again travelling. Hag to leave at 7 this morning, and got my first train at about 20 past. It's now nearly 11 and I'm not far from Leeds. At Kings Cross I saw a 2 year old girl getting hugs off a big pudsey bear. She kept running back to her parents for more money to put in the children in need bucket to pay for more time with him, although i doubt the bear would've begrudged giving a free hug or two away. The scene attracted a fair few pairs of eyes, as she just kept running back and forth, about ten hugs, and at least £10 deep, the bear kept kneeling down, and the small girl pressing herself flat across his massive yellow chest, arms stretched wide, but not reaching anywhere near the sides of his large round body. It was simply adorable, and no one could resist beaming at the sight. As well as the children, I always like seeing adults, especially in business or general work attire, giving in to their desire for a hug with a man in a big ol' bear suit.

Anyway, I'm very happy right now. Still on a buzz from seeing Shob, I got my train on time (and my seat had a table and a plug socket! Not to mention the free wifi), I have the west wing, milkshake, and I'm only 15 mintues away from my destination where i shall attempt to navigate the bust system to take me to the airport.

I hope everyone out there is well.
xxx

Inspiration

I've always looked on jealousy as a bad thing.
We're always told peer pressure is bad.
Envy is a sin, right?

I'm an incredibly jealous person. I don't think it's possible for a relationship to be 'open', I'm needy, I over think everything, I'll often weigh up how likely it is that what someone is telling me is true.
What are their motives? Why would they lie? Is this my paranoia or my intuition?

But right now it's jealousy that's driving me. Without jealousy, peer pressure, expectations, a 'norm', I wouldn't get anything done. Yes I have my own goals, expectations of myself, things I'd like, but It's wanting to have what other people have that makes me actually do things.

The fact almost everyone I know is in Uni, or have better exam results than me, or have things I want drives me, it doesn't make me want different things, but it makes me actually do things.

I mean jealousy is viscous, it can smother people, and it can ruin relationships, but in some ways it makes mine better. If someone is getting close to your partner and you're not jealous, then you don't care enough (just an opinion obv, but that's how I feel). Maybe it's just me, but if I'm with someone, then I want them to myself, I don't want a gf that flirts and acts couply with a bunch of other people. And luckily I've got someone i trust, someone I know is all mine, and that makes me appreciate her so much. If someone is only with you, and they've chosen you, it makes you want to step your game up, and be impressive. It makes you want to be better at everything, and better than everyone.

Nothing in particular lead me to writing this, just a random analysis of a character trait of mine really.
I think jealousy can be inspirational and more importantly motivational. Which is good cause I have it in spades. If you know me, I've almost definitely been jealous of you for one thing or another. It's an ugly characteristic to have, but if you use it to your advantage, rather than to spite other people, I think it can really change you.

xxx

Now that's what I call Sunday.

Stayed at Shob's last night, was so so good.

I missed her so much. What was great was that we were so domestic, we curled up on the sofa and watched tv. It was so nice, I missed her tons, nice to get a little top up of being couply.

Anyway, I've had a very uneventful day on the sofa. Repeat  for one week. sorry for this pointless blog. I'll only blog eventful things from now on. (<<< lies).

Anyway: tweets recently fav'd:

1. hotdogsladies 
     
   The MSM's partisan agenda is clearly driving the lackluster coverage of Fergie's surprise honeymoon plans. Three-thousand-and-UNacceptable.about 18 hours ago from Birdhouse
   • Reply
2. jane_bot 
     
   Oh just laying on tile floor, backup singing for Rihanna. Psst. Come here. Between you & me, I'm totally overshadowing the poor girl.about 21 hours ago from TweetDeck
3. aedison 
     
   I don't know much about art, but I know what I like. Cookies, mainly. Cookies.4:17 PM Nov 8th from web
4. debihope 
     
   It's not so much that the world needs coffee to exist, it's that, without coffee, I would kill everyone.1:47 PM Nov 7th from TweetDeck
5. Aimee_B_Loved 
     
   What's keeping me down: 1. The flu. 2. Gravity. 3. Whitey.9:39 PM Nov 6th from web
   
   
   xxx

Soo

Got back from Breezy. I miss it really.

Yesterday, I didn't do much. Spent the day in PJ's doing naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaothing.

Today, I worked for Seb's Dad doing some proper men's work on a house in Hatfield. Went to the tip, broke up some furniture, painted...stuff like that. Men's stuff. You wouldn't understand.

Anyway, this evening I went to Kate's for her birthday. A couple of us sat in her room watching TV. Wasn't the massive party I was expecting, but it was very pleasant none the less.

Anyway. Shobby tomorrow. Can't wait.

xox

Brizzle.

I'm currently sitting on a train, writing this blog, hopelessly attempting to connect to wireless networks.

 I'm on my way to London after a brilliant couple of days in Bristol.

 So let's start at the beginning.

On Tuesday morning, successfully having packed the night before, I set off for St Albans station. From there I made my way through the crowded labyrinth that is London and it’s public transport system. I slightly surprised myself that I made it to Paddington station and onto my train with all my valuables, my tickets, my bags and everything else that I was lugging about with me. Taking a rucksack, a hold all and a sleeping bag on the tube is not easy. Nevertheless, I made it, being beacon of independence that I am.

The journey was uneventful; I just watched History Boys on my laptop and ate lots. Lizzy met me in Bristol, and we trekked back to Hiatt Baker Halls where I met all the various lovely people there, and there we stayed for the rest of the evening, apart from dinner in the canteen bit where I saw James and caught up with him a bit. The day ended with watching 500 Days of Summer and half of Fight Club.

Yesterday (Wednesday), I slept in a bit as Lizzy in a rare burst of academic devotion or perhaps the result of a sudden sense of student purpose, actually attended her lectures. I chatted with Pap(Maria) and swapped music for a bit, then when Lizzy came back we had lunch and watched the rest of Fight Club. Our plans to go out around Bristol were soon quashed by a sudden, heavy and consistent downpour. So we stayed in, which despite meaning I didn’t get to see any of Bristol, was quite nice.

In the evening we hit Java, a small but fairly cool club not far from halls. I was quite excited at the fact that it was on the same hill that Freddie skates down in the first episode of skins, and I saw the green they sit on. The Skins exposure doesn’t end their though, as half way through the night Freddie from skins actually turned up at the club. He promptly acquired two bouncers, went to the VIP room then sat on his own stretch of bench seating, that’s the last I saw of him, but it was still quite cool.

Today I’m feeling a bit worse for ware.  Really needing a shower, and lots of sleep. I’ve been through every stage of hung over now I think, shaking, head aches, feeling like everything’s moving, forcing down toast and water, and now I’m just really tired and feel quite dirty. Anyway, I hope you’re all well, I’m going to attempt to sleep now.

xxx

 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm now home, showered and fed, but still tired.

Happy to be home, but also sad to have left.

After reading some AE Housman in a poetry anthology the other day, I've been looking him up.

'With rue my heart is laden

  For golden friends I had,

For many a rose-lipt maiden

  And many a lightfoot lad.

By brooks too broad for leaping

  The lightfoot boys are laid;

The rose-lipt girls are sleeping

  In fields where roses fade.'

'Oh, when I was in love with you

  Then I was clean and brave,

And miles around the wonder grew

  How well did I behave.

And now the fancy passes by

  And nothing will remain,

And miles around they'll say that I

  Am quite myself again.'

I'm currently in bed, in my big new hug-of-a-cardy. It's keeping me warm. Now to stay here until tomorrow.

Sleep and internet. S'what I need. Well, it's second string as always to Shob, but it's somewhat more accessible right now.

Leaving you with some Andrea:

xxx

Practical day.

Today I ironed a lot, and packed for Bristol.

Not sure about the style, but she is gorgeous:

Frida Gustavsson

Today I booked lots of train tickets, visiting Leeds, York and Durham.
Still really missing Shob. So much going on between now and then, feels ages away. Sunday we're going to her friend Ali's party down in Surrey. Should be good, tbh it'll be nice just to get to see her.

Anyway, on the positive side, the next two days i'll be living it up on the west coast, hopefully have plenty to talk about on here when I get back. Hope everyone's well.

xxx

Just thought I'd add in a pic from last week, halloween 2009.

xxx

Ups and downs..

Today started of very well indeed. Well, it started off with church, but after that it was all gravy (and with dinner, actual gravy).

T4 was doing a show on Beyonce, meaning my sister stared at me strangely as I sang along to classic Destiny's Child tunes.

I then generally didn't do much. Played some skate 2, some rock band, and got annoyed at a constantly failing internet.

Tonight was very up and down emotionally. But it ended very very happily. I feel so secure in my relationship, so so lucky. I've just got this feeling that it's right, and that while other relationships would be possible, and nice, and I'd have a good time, that there's something special in this one. I really, truly believe that I've found someone that not only understands me perfectly, but manages to make me feel confident and physically accomplish things that I can't do on my own, nor can anyone else get me to. 

Sometimes I need to be reminded of this. But really, it'll keep going as long as it just feels right, which is does.

Anyway, I just finally filled in some of my UCAS form, a vital step in sending off my application. Hopefully I'll have it sent off by the end of the month. 4 weeks. Let's do it.

Seeing as it's past midnight, I've now been with Shob for 22 months.So exciting.

xxx

T'was a quiet hallows eve

Didn't really do much. Watched Saw 2+3 which were brilliant, then retired to bed really.

Watched some Katt Williams and chatted to Shob.

Today it's raining horribly hard, there's currently my soaked dog bounding around the house. Bristol this week =].

Oh, and Stephen Fry threatened to quit twitter yesterday, I'm fairly sure that's a sign of the apocalypse. Maybe not one of the main ones, but definitely a smaller one.

xx