Friday, 25 December 2009

It's Christmas

and I'm very much in love.

More filling in of the past will come later.

But for right now that's all that's important.

It's Christmas and I'm in love.

She's magnificent. And really, that's all that matters.


Tuesday, 15 December 2009

Dear Blog.

..Just writing to let you know I've been thinking of you.

I know we don't spend as much time together as we used to, but I've been so busy. I know that's what you're here for. To share things with, to hear about my day, and all my thoughts, but sometimes I just want to forget about the day and sleep. I get so wrapped up in my life sometimes I have no time for you. In fact, I wonder if really you're just a product of my self indulgence. I know at the beginning we seemed like such a good idea, but now I'm finding less and less time for you. Don't worry though. I'm not giving up on us. You've been there for me for years, and some time apart will only make my next post more exciting.

Anyway, just to say some interesting things have been going on with me, I got contact lenses, an unconditional offer from Royal Holloway, which I'm very happy about, and new shoe laces (which i'm also very happy about, and in many ways were a more pressing concern than university places).

I've been working tons, and finding no time to revise. =[
But I've been earning lots =], meaning I have money to buy people Christmas presents =].
I have a really bad pain in the top of my right foot when I walk for more than 10 minutes, which I think is just a certain pair of shoes, but i'm worried it's a damaged tendon or something. It's quite uncomfortable. I'm almost definite it's the shoes though.

I've been trying to not let my jealousy get the better of me lately, and enjoying simple acts of friendship. Catching up and chatting. It's nice to know there's so many people I can turn to, even when I just want to know they're their, so if anything big came along, I wouldn't be alone.

I had an amazing weekend at Siobhan's. I'm so so in love. And that's scary, blog. But it's true. There's no way out without heartbreak. So here's hoping there's no leaving at all. Loving being all swept up in the whole thing.

Anyway.I really should sleep now, it being half 2 and all. Work tomorrow.
I'm not cheating on you, but i have been checking out tumblr. It  looks arty. You'll always be here for me though, fulfilling my base needs of rant and ramble.

You're a good friend blog. And although your spelling is sometimes awful, we have Rob, so that's ok.

Speak soon.

Thursday, 10 December 2009

Wednesday, 9 December 2009

Monday, 7 December 2009

Poetry too

Continuation from last blog. Poetry this time though.

'The day they make me gorgeous,
I want to just hang around.
Like a ceiling fan mounted upside down,
I'll only have 3 settings,
and all of them will seem to suck air out of the room'
-Gorgeous- Rives

'And then I'll whisper: "Hey.
The yonder is just as wild and blue
as people say it is today.
And you can't see,
but honestly I love you. I love you.
And I'm gonna keep you mine
like a crow loved to hold
an old telephone line, remember those?"

And you'll say:
"What, crows?"

And I'll go:
"Noo--telephone lines!
Remember? Back in the days
when the bedding was yours
but the bed was mine.
You remember that, Sunshine?'

'I wrote:
Just so you know--

My weird mind wanders and my brave heart breaks.
I've nailed some milestones, but I've made mistakes,
Cuz I got more faults than a map of California earthquakes.

I am taking a nap beneath your covers.
Wake me if you like me.
Wake me if you want me
Wake me if you need another poem.

Your once and future lover
has made himself at home. '

'I remember the first time
you named me "Good morning."

And how, the night before,
you considered my ceiling,
where the passing cars outside
cast their shadows and liquid lights
through the slats of my blinds.

You said: "Hey Romeo--
your CD player is skipping again...
but your ceiling's like fireworks for poor folks!"
And I liked that.

And I like your theory,
that men and womens shirts button on opposite sides,
So couples can get dressed facing each other.'

'And i swear to God,
If I could swear to God,
I'd ask her what the fuck she was thinking,
When she gave us free will,
cause we done fuck things up.

I stood in front of a mirror,
until my pupils became pupils,
and i could teach myself to live a better life.'
-Flashy Words-Shihan

If there is any time you can't find me,
Don't worry,
I'm probably hiding out somewhere counting my blessings,
mumbling something about sunshine,
wondering how much love i could live in a life time.

We live a love that God would envy,
And for her i would carry the cross for my own crucifixion,
If it would make her have more faith in me,
And i would hang from that cross,
And you could pierce my side with a spear,
And i would just bleed more reason to love her,
And i could die on that cross,
And you could bury me in a tomb,
And i would rise at the 23rd hour,
Just to show i couldn't go a day without her.

I would go toe to toe with eternity,
For the rights to her next life time,
Cause i was the only one made for her'
-In Response-Shihan

'I want a love that makes me regret how small my hands are,
The lines on my palms don't give me enough time to love you as long as I'd like to.

I fantasize about stepping out on a green light,
Just dying to get hit by a car,
Just so I could lose my memory,
Be transported to a third world country for treatment,
somehow fall in love with you all over again in another language,
just to see if it feels the same type love'
-This type of love-Shihan

'Who was king James?,
And why did he feel it was so vital,
To remove chapters and make his own version of the Bible.
They say Hell is underground Heaven is in the sky,
They say that's where you go when you die,
But how do they know?'
-Talib Kweli

"England, you have been here too long,
And the songs you sing are the songs you sung
On a braver day. Now they are wrong."
-Voices Against England in the Night, Stevie Smith

'Not in the hands of boys but in their eyes ,
Shall shine the holy glimmers of goodbyes.  '
-Anthem for Doomed Youth-Wilfred Owen

'With proud thanksgiving, a mother for her children,
England mourns for her dead across the sea.
Flesh of her flesh they were, spirit of her spirit,
Fallen in the cause of the free.'
-For the fallen-Laurence Binyon

'If any question why we died,
Tell them because our fathers lied.'
-Common Form-Rudyard Kipling

'Yet portion of that unknown plain
  Will Hodge forever be;
His homely Northern breast and brain
  Grow to some Southern tree,
And strange-eyed constellation reign
  His stars eternally. '
-Drummer Hodge-Thomas Hardy

If you're a mathematician then it's simple,
You count how many steps it takes for her to come upstairs to bed,

Count how many times your eye goes to the door when you're expecting her home,
When she says 'how much do you love me?',
Be able to answer her back to the decmial point.
Calculate the area of a heart using imaginary numbers,
And explain how a muscle the size of two fists,

Can expand itself wide enough to hold fast the heavens,
devise a formula for love,
Whereby the weight of your devotion squared,
Times the amount of times you have kissed along her spine,
While she is asleep,
Is equal to all the happily ever afters in then world.
And I could tell by the look in his eyes that he wasn't a mathematician'
-Steve Connell

'He told me,
I'm not allowed to get angry,
because I'm white, I'm a male, I'm sraight,..'
-Death From Below-Dan Sully & Tim Strattford

Ok, i've spent forever trying to get rid of the gaps..and i can't..sorry.

Wow flashbacks.

Today I got up early (half 9!) and started almost proper revision.

Anyway. I just logged onto myspace after months and months. And read very old messages, which are ofc very strange, but nostalgic and lovely anyway. Thought'd i'd just copy over the favourite lyrics and poetry lists from my old blog. The reason for this is mainly to make it easily accessible for me. These are by no means still my favourite, nor are they complete, as they were simply what I could think of at the time (years ago).

Ben Folds Lyrics

"well, he shouted out his last word
and he stumbled through the yard
and she shattered her last china plate
and spun off in the car
when he lunged onto the hood
she stopped to tell him she'd been wrong
he was thrown head over heels
into the traffic coming on
but then...
all is fair
all is fair in love

well, I guess she made her way
through the mob too late to hear him say
that he'd gotten all he'd wanted
a crowd to watch him bear the pain "

  - 'Fair'

"come on baby,
now throw me a right to the chin
don't just stare like you never cared
I know you did
but you just smile
like a bank teller
blankly telling me:
"have a nice life"

come on baby, 

now throw me a right to the chin
just one sign that could show me
that you give a shit
but you just smile, politely
and I grow weaker and I

said what you wanted to hear
and what I
wanted to say
so, I
will take it back "

- 'Selfless, Cold and Composed

"do you not hear me anymore?
I know it's not your thing to care
I know it's cool to be so bored
sucks me in when you're aloof
it sucks me in, it sucks, it works
I guess it's cool to be alone
will ya never rest?
fighting the battle of who could care less
everyday you wake up late
sometimes I wish I was
that way

and I've got
this great idea
why don't we pitch it to the Franklin fuckin' Mint?
fine pewter portraits of
General Apathy and
Major Boredom singing
whatever and ever amen "

- 'Whatever and Ever, Amen'

Like you've got nothing to prove
No matter what you might do
There's always someone out there cooler than you

I know that's hard to believe
But there are people you meet
They're into something that is too big to be
Through their clothes
And they'll put up with all the poses you throw
And you won't
Even know 

That they're not sizing you up
They know your mom fucked you up
Or maybe let you watch too much TV

But they'll still look in your eyes
To find the human inside
You know there's always something in there to see "

 - 'There's always someone cooler than you'

"'cause lately I can feel
the years between us
and hope to God
that friends at work don't see us
tonight she asked me
if I'd ever seen Jesus
'cause she had backstage passes
for the three of us "

- 'Hiro's song'

"Till I opened my eyes and walked out the door
And the clouds came tumbling down
And it's "bye-bye. Goodbye, I tried"
And I twisted it wrong just to make it right
I had to leave myself behind
And I've been flying high all night
So come pick me up
I've landed "

- 'Landed'

There's a moment in my mind
I scribbled and erased a thousand times
Like a letter never written or sent
These conversations with the dead
I used to be a sentimental guy
Now I'm haunted by the left unsaid
I never thought so much could change 

"Little things you said or did
Are part of me
Come out from time to time
Though probably no one I know now
Would notice
But I never thought so much could change "

- 'Sentimental Guy'
"We walked the earth
We talked and never spoke a word
She wonders who will be the first to go
I said you know
The biggest things we gotta face alone
Don't wanna when it's time to go
Alone again

A trace of me
That floats in my periphery
And every time I turn to see
It goes
Alone again "

- 'Prison Food'

" The world is full of ugly things that you can't change,
Pretend it's not that way.
It's my idea of faith."
-Alice Childress

"At puberty I was sworn to secrecy
By the international brotherhood
Of lying fickle males
I can't tell you anything
And I can't commit! "

-In Love

Favourite other lyrics

"Crack raised the murder rate in DC and Maryland
we invested in that it's like we got Merril-Lynched,
and we been hangin from the same tree ever since,"
-Kanye West

"But in a land where niggas praise Yukon's and gettin paid,
Gon' take a lot more than coupons to get us saved"

-Kanye West

" Went to the malls and I balled too hard,
''OMG is that a black card?'',
I turned around and replied "why yes,
but I prefer the term African-American express"

-Last Call, Kanye West

"Killin y'all niggas on that lyrical shit,
mayonnaise coloured Benz,
I push miracle whips"

-Last Call, Kanye West

"I'm starting to fashion an idea in my head
where I would impress you
with every single word I said.
Would come out insightful or brave or smooth or charming
and you'd want to call me
And I would be there every time
you'd need me
I'd be there every time...
But for now I'll look so longingly
For you to want me, for you to need me, for you to notice me"

        'For you to notice'-Dashboard Confessional

"Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark "

  'I will follow you into the dark'-Death Cab For Cutie

"I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles
In our eyes are mirror images and when
We kiss they're perfectly aligned
And I have to speculate that God himself
Did make us into corresponding shapes like
Puzzle pieces from the clay
True, it may seem like a stretch, but
Its thoughts like this that catch my troubled
Head when you're away when I am missing you to death
When you are out there on the road for
Several weeks of shows and when you scan
The radio, I hope this song will guide you home "

  'Such Great Heights'-The Postal Service

"She smiled in a big way,
the way a girl like that smiles
When the world is hers and she held your eyes
Out in the breezeway
down by the shore in the lazy summer
And she pulled you in,
and she bit your lip,
and she made you hers,
She looked deep into you as you lay together quiet in the grasp of dusk and summer"

  'Dusk and Summer'-Dashboard Confessional

"I'll be true, I'll be useful...
I'll be cavalier...I'll be yours my dear.
And I'll belong to you...
If you'll just let me through.
This is easy as lovers go,
So don't complicate it by hesitating.
And this is wonderful as loving goes,
This is telling me 'whats the sense in waiting?'

And I said "I've gotta be honest
I've been waiting for you all my life."
For so long I thought I was asylum bound,
But just seeing you makes me think twice.
And being with you here makes me sane,
I fear I'll go crazy if you leave my side.
You've got've got looks,
You've got passion but are you brave enough to leave with me tonight? "

  'As Lovers Go'-Dashboard Confessional

"And if I say to you tomorrow. Take my hand, child, come with me.
It's to a castle I will take you, where what's to be, they say will be.

And if you say to me tomorrow, oh what fun it all would be.
Then what's to stop us, pretty baby. But What Is And What Should Never Be.

So if you wake up with the sunrise, and all your dreams are still as new,
And happiness is what you need so bad, girl, the answer lies with you. "

 -What is and what should never be-Led Zeppelin

"And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now.

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am "

-iris, Goo Goo Dolls

'I'm the first kid to write of hearts, lies, and friends
And I am sorry my conscience called in sick again
And I've got arrogance down to a science

They call kids like us vicious and carved out of stone
But for what we've become, we just feel more alone'
 -I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me-Fall Out Boy

''Cause every pain of glass
That your pebbles tap
Negates the pains I went through
To avoid you
And every little pat
On the shoulder for attention fails to mention
I still hate you

She took me down and said:
"Boys like you are overrated,
So save your breath."
Loaded words and loaded friends
Are loaded guns, to our heads

You want apologies
Girl, you might hold your breath
until your breathing stops forever, forever
The only thing you'll get
Is this curse on your lips:
"I hope they taste of me forever."'

-Chicago is so two years ago-Fall Out Boy

'We cant fake it for the airwaves force our smiles, baby, half dead
From comparing myself to everyone else around me. 

Please put the doctor on the phone 'cause I'm not making any sense.
Blame everyone but me for this mess
And my back has been breaking from this heavy heart
We never seemed so far.
I'm hopelessly hopeful, that you're just hopeless enough '

-I've got a dark alley and a bad idea that says you should shut your mouth- Fall Out Boy

'Every friend we ever had in common
I will sever the tie with you
You can thank your lucky stars
That everything I wish for
Will never come true'

-Sending postcards from a plane crash-Fall Out Boy

'Ashamed of the way
The songs and the words own
the beating of our hearts'

-Sophmore slump or Comeback of the year-Fall Out Boy

'I am outside
And I've been waiting for the sun
With my wide eyes
I've seen worlds that don't belong
My mouth is dry with words I cannot verbalize
Tell me why we live like this'


'Got no future plans,
I've got dirty hands,
I've had some bad relationships
And one night stands,
But i know its gonna make me a better man
Because of it,
If there's a god,
Then he knows that I've commited sins,
I've played the game,
And I dont always win,
But no body does.
No body does'

-Second,Minute,hour-Flamboyant Bella


Sunday, 6 December 2009

Just a few from Paper Tissue..

'Ah the dangerous flame of understated liberalism disguised as ironic racism..or as I like to call it: the white man's burden' - Daniel Kitson, Lol


Friday, 4 December 2009


Last night I was immersed in the London Indie scene.

One of my brother's friends work for a kind of arty/studenty film magazine called 'little white lies'. They had a Christmas party thing (with absolutely no reference to this holiday season, HEATHENS). It was at the legion in Shoreditch (notoriously trendy).

So, we turned up, and it was a pretty cool. Just a bar with a little dancefloor at the end. They were projecting graphics from the magazine onto a screen, and the dj played some amazing hiphop for the first hour and a bit, but then it went all 80s and a bit lame.

Anyway. Both Nick and I were standing in blazers. Chatting. Drinking beer. Surrounding us in all directions was a sea of plaid shirts (done up to the top, Jack Penate style), high tops, 80s patterned leggings, addidas, .. all drinking cocktails. We didn't know anyone, apart from nick's mate who we chatted to for a while. Felt so uncool.

Anyway apart from not knowing anyone, expensive drinks, and the 'free gifts' being copies of the magazine, it was a good night. Nick and I spent most of the night talking like pretentious indie twats..cause..if you're in the main stream you're not in the culture prism, band..sur culture tambourine man..we do robot political sound many ways it's the newest frontier..

All in all a good night though. only got 4 hours sleep last night oddly, then went into school for revision.

Anyway, apart form that I've not been up to much except missing my girlfriend a lot. Saw her in London on Wednesday for a few hours, we walked around the south bank, got soaked jumping over puddles, had dinner and coffee, and ended up walking over the bridge by the london eye. London can be a pretty place.


Wednesday, 2 December 2009

A day I'd like to remember.

Today I went up to town for 12, having only been out of bed for an hour or so when I got there.

I met Rob and we embarked on an entirely hetero, but possibly metro, bromance of a day.

We got coffee, caught up, shopped, got lunch, and just generally chatted. I know he reads this, so Rob, I enjoyed your company today. Thank you.

Tomorrow I get to get up, go into London, and spend a hopefully glorious, and hopelessly cute evening with my girlfriend.
Here's hoping for no arguments, warmth, hugs and no rain.

Writing a lot atm. I think i'm improving. I'm trying.

Sunday, 29 November 2009


What a spectacularly shitty shift. It was raining hella hard, so we were overcome with wet umbrellas and coats, we were over booked. the ceiling started leaking water onto tables, kitchen was shit, boss was angry and shouting. It was fun cheering people up with abuse right in the heat of the business though. 'Oh quickly! Your mum called, she said she doesn't love you anymore..'. Cruel but when you're trying to do 3 things at once, it's quite funny.

Some tables are lovely though. Regulars that make you smile, so you start just giving them all your time and free stuff.

Anyway. Home now. Although I'm back there in less than 10 hours. I did just empty my coat pockets and counted out £50 quid in tips and loose change though, that was nice.

I've been reading a lot of Emily Dickinson recently, one of those people you know of, but unless you study her in school..*shrug*. Good stuff. I still find it odd how you can relate to people, even in as little as simply understanding or feeling the same as them, from so so long ago.

Anyway. Seeing Shob on Wednesday, the girl I talk about to much. I know I do. Not apologising. Can't wait.  It's probably unhealthy how much emotional dependency I've put on one person. When there's really only one person that can cheer you up sometimes, just by being around, can't be emotionally stable.

'Tell her there is a tambourine in my chest,
and yes,
she still shakes me.
Don't look at me like that.
I'm not the box the gift came in,
this heart is my sunday best.
Still grass stained from the first time I tasted her neck'
-Andrea Gibson

Hope you're all well.

Tuesday, 24 November 2009


Look where the cloud breaks.
Run to the middle of the forrest.
Stand on the edge and stare hard out to the end of the ocean.
That's where we will always live.

When you're there you'll always remember us.

We might be torn far apart,
when you curse my name,
and I forget how beautiful your scars looked.

But there in the quiet,
You can close your eyes and see.
Hands wrapped around yourself,
in no one else's arms.
You'll remember how it felt.
This is a good thing.
And if the sky falls on us,
remember how it felt.
Under covers.
In the back of bookshops.
Walking in empty parks.

Remember me like lost toys.
You found me wreckless as a lost boy.
I grew up in your hand holding,
and dream now,
in things that you make real.
Don't forget the happiness.
And how you made me feel.

They say nothing is worth everything.
Maybe they're right.
But don't let me ever say I lied.
Don't ever feel cheated.
For a moment we have it,
what we both wanted,
and it will always be there,
in the moments you feel most alone.
It'll be there to remind you,
you have someone.

My tour of the North.. a brief account

Friday - Leeds was great, although my enjoyment of the day was somewhat affected by carrying around two heavy bags. The Uni looked brilliant though, and I'd love to see it at an open day. I had a good look round, walked through the city centre, and then headed to York. I stayed with Ben, and with him met Kieran at the campus bar, catching up was really good. That night we went to the pub, which was nice, and i still got the early night I was after.

Saturday- I headed to Durham, and stayed with Speedy. All the people were really nice, and that night we went round some college bars, I played my first game of ring of fire, which was brutal but fun. Ended up in a club called studio, weezy, kanye and jay were played so obviously I was happy. The next day I headed over to Adele's. It was really good catching up with her, especially not around family. We stayed in in the evening, but had fun blasting dubstep and drinking in her room with some of her hall mates.

Today I made my way home, and am now back in my own bed, catching up on iplayer.

Tomorrow holds some revision and work, then getting to seem y lovely gf on Wednesday.


Friday, 20 November 2009

Early Mornings

Wednesday, that's where i'll begin my blog, as that's where things started happening.

I went into school in the morning for my first politics revisions session, (my old politics teacher giving up his little free time to help me with my exams, under no obligation, for no reward. Remember that next time someone says teachers don't work as hard as other professionals.). I have finally committed myself to the path of revision, starting both RE and politics and hoping I haven't left it too late.

Wednesday afternoon I headed down to Surrey and surprised Nai with a visit on her birthday. Shob came down and with Nai's hall-mates we went out to TGI fridays (where i was starving, right up until the food came. And the cocktails are small and lacking alcohol.) Had a lot of fun there though. Nice feeling comfortable with people you've only met a couple of times.

On Thursday, after waking up on the floor of Jess's room, I went into Alton to meet Shob during her epic free. She showed me around her college properly for the first time (and really rather nice it is too), and we got lunch and wandered around a park, pursued by an annoying miowing cat. It was brilliant spending time with her as ever, we curled up on a sofa in cafe nero and read poetry from a book I got out of the library. The brilliant nero soup settled my vodka belly and being comfy and warm was a brilliant counter to the cold outside.

Continuing my trend of writing Blogs on trains, I'm once again travelling. Hag to leave at 7 this morning, and got my first train at about 20 past. It's now nearly 11 and I'm not far from Leeds. At Kings Cross I saw a 2 year old girl getting hugs off a big pudsey bear. She kept running back to her parents for more money to put in the children in need bucket to pay for more time with him, although i doubt the bear would've begrudged giving a free hug or two away. The scene attracted a fair few pairs of eyes, as she just kept running back and forth, about ten hugs, and at least £10 deep, the bear kept kneeling down, and the small girl pressing herself flat across his massive yellow chest, arms stretched wide, but not reaching anywhere near the sides of his large round body. It was simply adorable, and no one could resist beaming at the sight. As well as the children, I always like seeing adults, especially in business or general work attire, giving in to their desire for a hug with a man in a big ol' bear suit.

Anyway, I'm very happy right now. Still on a buzz from seeing Shob, I got my train on time (and my seat had a table and a plug socket! Not to mention the free wifi), I have the west wing, milkshake, and I'm only 15 mintues away from my destination where i shall attempt to navigate the bust system to take me to the airport.

I hope everyone out there is well.

Wednesday, 11 November 2009


I've always looked on jealousy as a bad thing.
We're always told peer pressure is bad.
Envy is a sin, right?

I'm an incredibly jealous person. I don't think it's possible for a relationship to be 'open', I'm needy, I over think everything, I'll often weigh up how likely it is that what someone is telling me is true.
What are their motives? Why would they lie? Is this my paranoia or my intuition?

But right now it's jealousy that's driving me. Without jealousy, peer pressure, expectations, a 'norm', I wouldn't get anything done. Yes I have my own goals, expectations of myself, things I'd like, but It's wanting to have what other people have that makes me actually do things.

The fact almost everyone I know is in Uni, or have better exam results than me, or have things I want drives me, it doesn't make me want different things, but it makes me actually do things.

I mean jealousy is viscous, it can smother people, and it can ruin relationships, but in some ways it makes mine better. If someone is getting close to your partner and you're not jealous, then you don't care enough (just an opinion obv, but that's how I feel). Maybe it's just me, but if I'm with someone, then I want them to myself, I don't want a gf that flirts and acts couply with a bunch of other people. And luckily I've got someone i trust, someone I know is all mine, and that makes me appreciate her so much. If someone is only with you, and they've chosen you, it makes you want to step your game up, and be impressive. It makes you want to be better at everything, and better than everyone.

Nothing in particular lead me to writing this, just a random analysis of a character trait of mine really.
I think jealousy can be inspirational and more importantly motivational. Which is good cause I have it in spades. If you know me, I've almost definitely been jealous of you for one thing or another. It's an ugly characteristic to have, but if you use it to your advantage, rather than to spite other people, I think it can really change you.


Monday, 9 November 2009

Now that's what I call Sunday.

Stayed at Shob's last night, was so so good.

I missed her so much. What was great was that we were so domestic, we curled up on the sofa and watched tv. It was so nice, I missed her tons, nice to get a little top up of being couply.

Anyway, I've had a very uneventful day on the sofa. Repeat  for one week. sorry for this pointless blog. I'll only blog eventful things from now on. (<<< lies).

Anyway: tweets recently fav'd:

  1. hotdogsladies The MSM's partisan agenda is clearly driving the lackluster coverage of Fergie's surprise honeymoon plans. Three-thousand-and-UNacceptable.
  2. Janejane_bot Oh just laying on tile floor, backup singing for Rihanna. Psst. Come here. Between you & me, I'm totally overshadowing the poor girl.
  3. Avery Edisonaedison I don't know much about art, but I know what I like. Cookies, mainly. Cookies.
  4. notorious d.e.b.debihope It's not so much that the world needs coffee to exist, it's that, without coffee, I would kill everyone.
  5. Aimee BAimee_B_Loved What's keeping me down: 1. The flu. 2. Gravity. 3. Whitey.

Sunday, 8 November 2009


Got back from Breezy. I miss it really.

Yesterday, I didn't do much. Spent the day in PJ's doing naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaothing.

Today, I worked for Seb's Dad doing some proper men's work on a house in Hatfield. Went to the tip, broke up some furniture, painted...stuff like that. Men's stuff. You wouldn't understand.

Anyway, this evening I went to Kate's for her birthday. A couple of us sat in her room watching TV. Wasn't the massive party I was expecting, but it was very pleasant none the less.

Anyway. Shobby tomorrow. Can't wait.


Thursday, 5 November 2009


I'm currently sitting on a train, writing this blog, hopelessly attempting to connect to wireless networks.
 I'm on my way to London after a brilliant couple of days in Bristol.

 So let's start at the beginning.
On Tuesday morning, successfully having packed the night before, I set off for St Albans station. From there I made my way through the crowded labyrinth that is London and it’s public transport system. I slightly surprised myself that I made it to Paddington station and onto my train with all my valuables, my tickets, my bags and everything else that I was lugging about with me. Taking a rucksack, a hold all and a sleeping bag on the tube is not easy. Nevertheless, I made it, being beacon of independence that I am.

The journey was uneventful; I just watched History Boys on my laptop and ate lots. Lizzy met me in Bristol, and we trekked back to Hiatt Baker Halls where I met all the various lovely people there, and there we stayed for the rest of the evening, apart from dinner in the canteen bit where I saw James and caught up with him a bit. The day ended with watching 500 Days of Summer and half of Fight Club.

Yesterday (Wednesday), I slept in a bit as Lizzy in a rare burst of academic devotion or perhaps the result of a sudden sense of student purpose, actually attended her lectures. I chatted with Pap(Maria) and swapped music for a bit, then when Lizzy came back we had lunch and watched the rest of Fight Club. Our plans to go out around Bristol were soon quashed by a sudden, heavy and consistent downpour. So we stayed in, which despite meaning I didn’t get to see any of Bristol, was quite nice.

In the evening we hit Java, a small but fairly cool club not far from halls. I was quite excited at the fact that it was on the same hill that Freddie skates down in the first episode of skins, and I saw the green they sit on. The Skins exposure doesn’t end their though, as half way through the night Freddie from skins actually turned up at the club. He promptly acquired two bouncers, went to the VIP room then sat on his own stretch of bench seating, that’s the last I saw of him, but it was still quite cool.

Today I’m feeling a bit worse for ware.  Really needing a shower, and lots of sleep. I’ve been through every stage of hung over now I think, shaking, head aches, feeling like everything’s moving, forcing down toast and water, and now I’m just really tired and feel quite dirty. Anyway, I hope you’re all well, I’m going to attempt to sleep now.

I'm now home, showered and fed, but still tired.

Happy to be home, but also sad to have left.

After reading some AE Housman in a poetry anthology the other day, I've been looking him up.

'With rue my heart is laden
  For golden friends I had,
For many a rose-lipt maiden
  And many a lightfoot lad.

By brooks too broad for leaping
  The lightfoot boys are laid;
The rose-lipt girls are sleeping
  In fields where roses fade.'

'Oh, when I was in love with you
  Then I was clean and brave,
And miles around the wonder grew
  How well did I behave.

And now the fancy passes by
  And nothing will remain,
And miles around they'll say that I
  Am quite myself again.'

I'm currently in bed, in my big new hug-of-a-cardy. It's keeping me warm. Now to stay here until tomorrow.
Sleep and internet. S'what I need. Well, it's second string as always to Shob, but it's somewhat more accessible right now.

Leaving you with some Andrea:


Monday, 2 November 2009

Practical day.

Today I ironed a lot, and packed for Bristol.
Not sure about the style, but she is gorgeous:

Frida Gustavsson

Today I booked lots of train tickets, visiting Leeds, York and Durham.
Still really missing Shob. So much going on between now and then, feels ages away. Sunday we're going to her friend Ali's party down in Surrey. Should be good, tbh it'll be nice just to get to see her.

Anyway, on the positive side, the next two days i'll be living it up on the west coast, hopefully have plenty to talk about on here when I get back. Hope everyone's well.

Just thought I'd add in a pic from last week, halloween 2009.

Ups and downs..

Today started of very well indeed. Well, it started off with church, but after that it was all gravy (and with dinner, actual gravy).

T4 was doing a show on Beyonce, meaning my sister stared at me strangely as I sang along to classic Destiny's Child tunes.

I then generally didn't do much. Played some skate 2, some rock band, and got annoyed at a constantly failing internet.

Tonight was very up and down emotionally. But it ended very very happily. I feel so secure in my relationship, so so lucky. I've just got this feeling that it's right, and that while other relationships would be possible, and nice, and I'd have a good time, that there's something special in this one. I really, truly believe that I've found someone that not only understands me perfectly, but manages to make me feel confident and physically accomplish things that I can't do on my own, nor can anyone else get me to. 

Sometimes I need to be reminded of this. But really, it'll keep going as long as it just feels right, which is does.

Anyway, I just finally filled in some of my UCAS form, a vital step in sending off my application. Hopefully I'll have it sent off by the end of the month. 4 weeks. Let's do it.

Seeing as it's past midnight, I've now been with Shob for 22 months.So exciting.

Sunday, 1 November 2009

T'was a quiet hallows eve

Didn't really do much. Watched Saw 2+3 which were brilliant, then retired to bed really.

Watched some Katt Williams and chatted to Shob.

Today it's raining horribly hard, there's currently my soaked dog bounding around the house. Bristol this week =].

Oh, and Stephen Fry threatened to quit twitter yesterday, I'm fairly sure that's a sign of the apocalypse. Maybe not one of the main ones, but definitely a smaller one.

Saturday, 31 October 2009

Oh dear..*sigh*

LordOmberus (1 week ago) : I never figured out what was so bad about Imperialism.

colddrake82 (2 days ago): Start with all the killing. Millions of people have died from state violence committed in the name of Imperialism. Many millions more died from the colonial regimes that starved and killed as a matter of course in the quest for profit.

LordOmberus (2 days ago): So the worst you can say about Imperialism is that it's bad for people who don't run the empire.

kyral210 (1 day ago): Which is almost everyone...

LordOmberus (23 hours ago): An excellent lesson for life.  If at all possible, be in charge of an Empire.

Got to love youtube sometimes.

Friday, 30 October 2009


Surrey Frollocks.

Yesterdaaaay I went on down to Guildford to see my lovelylovely gf. Our plan to see 'Up in 3D' was cruelly thwarted by an adverse reaction to children, or rather cinemas swarming with a child's birthday party.

So, we went to Sainsburys, and bought a duck.
I named him Cuthbert. Cuthbert the Duck.
We then went back to Nai's halls, saw Nai and Kay, cooked that duck out and had ourselves some lovely hoisin duck pancakes. We chatted for a while, listened to lots of old music (When I was 15, I rocked the fuck out.) Who would've thought back longest relationship to date would be with a girl who doesn't and never has liked fall out boy. *sigh*. She does love Kanye though, I think that's why I'm ok with it.

Anyway, it was really really nice just being with everyone, especially Shob. We were very couply, what onlookers I'm sure would describe as disgustingly so. T'was nice. It's never nice saying goodbye, but when we were saying bye at the station I got really upset, uncharacteristically emotional. Just didn't want to walk away from her. Was really really hard. Still, as I write this, just want to be with her.

Anyway. After she left, Nai, Kay, a couple of their friends and I went to the on campus bar, had a drink, then went and sat in the kitchen and joked around. I was in bed by midnight, and today just travelled back home.

I'm now full of takeaway chinese, sitting on my bed, watching some Christopher Hitchens videos. For those who don't know, he's one of those militant atheist (Dawkins-esque) types. I find him really convincing, mainly because he's a brilliant speaker, a very good debater, very eloquent and purely logical.
Here's a few of his arguments that I liked:
'Faith is the surrender of the mind; it's the surrender of reason, it's the surrender of the only thing that makes us different from other mammals. It's our need to believe, and to surrender our skepticism and our reason, our yearning to discard that and put all our trust or faith in someone or something, that is the sinister thing to me. Of all the supposed virtues, faith must be the most overrated.'

'I've challenged religious leaders of all types, here's my challenge, you must name me an ethical statement that was made or a moral action performed by a religious person, in the name of faith, that could not have been made as an action, or uttered as a statement by a person of no faith. Not so far, no takers, no one has been able to give me that. Therefore I think we're entitled to claim that religious faith is surplus to requirements. That said, If i was to say think of a wicked thing said, or an evil thing done by a person of faith in the name of faith, no one would have to take a second to think of one.'

(Talking about a radio show he was on) '(The broadcaster) Said to me, imagine you are in a town you've never been before, on your own, you have no friends there, and it's getting dark. You see a group of men walking towards you, let's say 10. Do you feel better or worse knowing they've come from a prayer meeting. This was his question to me. I said to him I can answer your question without leaving the letter B. I've had that experience, in Belfast, in Beirut, in Baghdad, in Bosnia, in Bombay and in Bethlehem. And if you see anyone coming from a religious gathering in any of those places, you know exactly, how fast you have to run.'

I really like his arguments, of course they all have counter arguments, but I think they're good attempts.

Shob is about to call, so i'll leave it there for now, and possibly update later on tonight.